Lying in the dark
I pray
and from my heart
silent words find
their way
Please help me
understand
when to love or
to let go
for alone I can’t
The stifling threat
of dark
no longer
mars my mind
or leaves its mark
And quiet settles in
my soul
through divine grace
a sense of peace
becoming whole
I am not scared
of the dark
but night falls
and I feel trapped
in a shell
I hardly recognize.
With grim determination
silence surrounds me
and allows the walls
of my mind to
act as a sounding
board to amplify
the thoughts
running through
my mind.
Trying to escape
is pointless and
I am forced to
listen to your voice
repeating words
I so desperately
wanted to hear
but were never
spoken.
If I knew how to
shut down your
memory and
allow sleep to
rest my soul
perhaps
I would be able
to embrace another
dream besides
you.
I would like to draw
a beautiful image
on a white canvas
and use a soft pencil
to outline my thoughts
My hand would be
moving as if
guided by unseen strings
tentatively sketching
on patient paper
I am afraid to see
that what would appear
are dark shades
of gray and
heavy black lines
That hurt grief and
loneliness etched
in my soul will
be set free and
become real
This dark canvas
I wanted to call hope
some day it will
be erased
… some day
The hardest thing
for me
to understand
what I feel;
to not see
what I should;
why hurt and joy
insist
on a war;
that I can
function still;
why words
heal
The hardest thing
for me
to believe
my judgment;
my tears are
not a weakness;
that God has
forgiven
my mistakes;
friends still
exist;
and lonely nights
will end
You showed me laughter
when I saw pain
Filled me with hope
when I felt despair
And gave me joy
when I had sadness
You were a rock
when I was weak
Taught me to love
when I felt empty
And gave me kindness
when I needed comfort
You made me believe
when I was doubting
Guided me to light
when I held darkness
And gave me shelter
when I was scared
You spoke of honesty
when I felt empty
Opened up your heart
when I was hurting
And gave me friendship
when I was alone