Dec 292010

I am not scared
of the dark
but night falls
and I feel trapped
in a shell
I hardly recognize.

With grim determination
silence surrounds me
and allows the walls
of my mind to
act as a sounding
board to amplify
the thoughts
running through
my mind.

Trying to escape
is pointless and
I am forced to
listen to your voice
repeating words
I so desperately
wanted to hear
but were never

If I knew how to
shut down your
memory and
allow sleep to
rest my soul
I would be able
to embrace another
dream besides

Dec 292010

I would like to draw
a beautiful image
on a white canvas
and use a soft pencil
to outline my thoughts

My hand would be
moving as if
guided by unseen strings
tentatively sketching
on patient paper

I am afraid to see
that what would appear
are dark shades
of gray and
heavy black lines

That hurt grief and
loneliness etched
in my soul will
be set free and
become real

This dark canvas
I wanted to call hope
some day it will
be erased
… some day

Dec 292010

The hardest thing
for me
to understand
what I feel;
to not see
what I should;
why hurt and joy
on a war;
that I can
function still;
why words

The hardest thing
for me
to believe
my judgment;
my tears are
not a weakness;
that God has
my mistakes;
friends still
and lonely nights
will end

Dec 232010

You showed me laughter
when I saw pain
Filled me with hope
when I felt despair
And gave me joy
when I had sadness

You were a rock
when I was weak
Taught me to love
when I felt empty
And gave me kindness
when I needed comfort

You made me believe
when I was doubting
Guided me to light
when I held darkness
And gave me shelter
when I was scared

You spoke of honesty
when I felt empty
Opened up your heart
when I was hurting
And gave me friendship
when I was alone

Dec 232010

Feeling almost ill
dialing the number
of her phone
And fully expecting
the could shoulder
and being alone

The ringing ends
stomach upside down
A familiar hello
Glad you called
almost cried and
now I know

To have friends
I can trust
believing in me
Tells me someday
I’ll be all
I can be